It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize