I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
