we made out on top of his cat.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
