GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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