he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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