I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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