Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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