Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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