I feel great
I just peed on a car
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
