you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
