Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
