it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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