Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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