Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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