Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
