Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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