So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
