Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
