I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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