weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
