Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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