We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
