Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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