I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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