I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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