I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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