Pregnant stripper...not hot.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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