If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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