i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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