Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I came so hard my ears popped.
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