I love black thongs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
