Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My penis needs a shock collar
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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