FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
