you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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