so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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