Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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