very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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