I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Enjoy the penises
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
