the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
