I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize