This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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