dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
