Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
