Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
