I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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