So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
did you just send me my own nude
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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