Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hippo gnu deer
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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