I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
