I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
