From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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