the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
