what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize