Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
