I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
youre lurking in front of me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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