I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
