saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
