it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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