I accidentally burped into my bong.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
