you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
