I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
FUCK WHALES
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
