I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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